How to Make Fancy, Crazy-Easy Chocolate Bark, 2 Ways

In an effort to convey to you how fast and easy these White Chocolate Espresso Peppermint and Sea Salt Espresso Chocolate barks are to make, I have resolved to only put as much time and effort into writing this post as it took to make the barks. The difference is that this blog post will turn out a little lumpy at places, like a rushed folding of clothes, or an ill-fitting metaphor, while the barks will turn out AMAZING without you even breaking a sweat. No oven, no big knives, no animal products if that's your thing, provided you use a dairy-free chocolate. Check your Secret Santa present off your list.

START WITH:
10 oz. dark chocolate (about 1 bag chocolate chips or 2 bars- if using bars, break/chop into smaller pieces)
1/2 tsp instant espresso

Line a baking tray with non-stick aluminum foil.
To melt the chocolate, microwave it in a microwave-safe bowl for 20 seconds, then stir. Repeat until melted. We do it in 20-sec intervals. If you microwave chocolate for too long in one go, things could get weird and it might even be considered alchemy so I wouldn't risk it.
Once the chocolate is melted, stir in the instant espresso powder.
Pour the melted chocolate onto the tray and use a spatula to spread it evenly.
Immediately sprinkle your toppings evenly across chocolate:

For the WHITE CHOCOLATE ESPRESSO PEPPERMINT BARK
4 candy canes, chopped/crushed into tiny pieces (To crush, I like to smack wrapped candy canes around like they're hammers, then peel the wrapper off. Sometimes the pieces fly everywhere, but it sure is fun)
1/4 cup white chocolate chips

For the SEA SALT ESPRESSO BARK
1 tsp salt (Pro tip: "Sea salt" sounds fancier, but if you don't have the thick-flaked sea salt, kosher salt looks and tastes the same)

Refrigerate for at least three hours, until completely hard. Peel the hardened chocolate off the foil and break it into "bark"-sized pieces (the chocolate, not the foil). PLEASE rinse your foil and RECYCLE IT!

Keep refrigerated. Pack it into a handheld cooler and tote it to your next office/class Christmas party or whip it out when you run out of gelts while playing dreidel.

Happy holidays, y'all. Good luck on your midterms. Study hard and all that. (That's the real reason I'm speed-blogging today: I've been practicing calculus for the past twelve hours).

World peace and love,

Heather <3